So just a quick update. I go to the Dr. tomorrow for a follow up on the foreign object that was implanted last week. (So many jokes available for that remark...so little time) On Wednesday I'll go meet with my doctors to make out a chemo schedule. That'll never be a normal sentence for me to say. I'm discussing a chemo schedule? Wow. It still hasn't fully set in I don't think. I was sitting down earlier watching T.V. I had just washed my hair so it was damp and all wavy. I was shaking my head back and forth slowly causing my hair to hit my face. Smelling the cucumber melon shampoo, tugging at it a little, twirling it, checking for split ends carefully. For the first time since all of this began, I almost started crying praying, "God, please don't let me lose my hair." Now, I'm a firm believer in praying for exactly what you're thinking. I mean, He knows what you're thinking anyway, right? But lately I've been working on looking at things from other perspectives. Sometimes it's someone else's...sometimes it's God's. Just trying to remember it's not always about me. (even though it is. just kidding) So even though I don't want to lose my hair, and it's okay for me to pray about that, I prayed "God, keep my focus on YOU, if I lose my hair...okay. It's just hair, it grows back."
This isn't about me, or hair. It's about trying in all things to see a different perspective, to ask God to help keep your focus on Him and His will and then watch him work on you. Watch the peace he brings. Because really at the end of the day, it's just hair. It grows back.
PEACE
P.S- All of your feedback, words of encouragement have been more than you can imagine. Thank you all so much for being a part of it.
9 comments:
As I wince as I look at the puncture places on your lower back from the bone marrow biopsy and the incision on your neck from the lymph node removal and now the slice on your chest from the most recent procedure I just cannot imagine how Mary felt as she saw her precious firstborn pierced and in pain. And how badly she must have wanted to avoid that moment. I'm in no way comparing you and me to those two pure, sinless servants but I think it's relevant because of how Mary must have admired Jesus' bravery. I admire your bravery. We are supposed to pray specifically so it's okay to pray for your hair. And if it's not God's will it's because he has a better head of hair planned for you (maybe like mine - lol!). Joshua 1:9 (Amplified) Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Love, Mom
At what point did you and mom think that wasn't going to make me cry? Hmmm? I hate both of you.
i can't ever leave comments because you always leave me speechless! (in a good..wow..oh man i really need to step back and look at my own life kind of way) so yeah that's my comment. i'm speechless.
still praying.
Christie,
I just happened to see on your facebook that you posted a blog, and I thought I would see how you were doing. I am so sorry to hear what you're going through, but I am praising the Lord for what He's doing in your life.
God does answer prayers. My mom has been battling colon cancer since October and just got a cancer-free report after going through chemo. I will be praying such a healing for you as you begin this journey. Let me know how to pray.
I love you Critty!
DeAnna
I'm amazed how God can use freshly washed hair to remind us to see life as He sees it. How smart is God that He would give us personal relationships, like that of a mother, to remind us of Christ's life. Hebrews talks about how Jesus is the perfect Savior, completely enduring every pain or suffering we experience. How comforting is that? The Creator of all the universe - of things big and small, beautiful and terrifying, simple and complex - stepped into our world, wore flesh and experienced all that any human possibly could. Simply amazing.
I love you Tubbins Family! Christie, you're kinda my favorite. There I said it. : ) Would you phone a friend every once in a while?
Hey Christie.. me n mom r sitting here at my house reading this. Just wanted to say u'll be beautiful with or without hair. I'm gonna try leaving this again. We love u.. Susan n Millie
Krittles,
As I read your blog and the comments left by those who love you so much, I am amazed by the way God takes the broken, pieces them back together and uses them for His glory. His love for His children is sometimes mind-numbing - to the extent that He allows us to go through things, experience things, simply because He wants US to know HIM more deeply. And as there is this talk of hair: losing it, washing it, NOT washing it(Lauren), I think of how we make so much of the externals and all He cares about are the internals. And whatever happens to the externals during this process..God is doing amazing thing on your "internals"! :) Remember - God gives only good gifts...Paul's thorn in the flesh was given to him by God and it seemed a strange gift, yet it became a tremendous blessing to him. What will this be to you? Lovin you and those around you more everyday...Jill
Hey, I've read this section over and over again. It has certainly been unusual to me that there is so much mental focus on your hair from myself as well as those around me. Almost everyone of my friends that have found out have uttered a similar statement when they first speak to me about it, "Is she going to lose her hair and stuff?". And after I first learned that it was indeed cancer and I was so upset, that was the visual image in my mind. I would drive around blinded by tears, distraught with thoughts of you wearing a joan-like bandana on your head. I wonder why, with all of the other things it does and can effect, that that is such a focal point. Maybe its a sign of our shallow nature, or maybe its simply all we know because of media driven exposure to the condition. I can't imagine dealing with all of the peripheral things that go along with your condition like the possibility of losing your hair. But I do know that you are beautiful and will be with or without hair and that one day we will get to look back on all of this as a trial that changed us and made us stronger and more appreciative and possibly an admirer of bald melons.
Critty,
I am so amazed by your strength and determination through this all! You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday!! The wild Cypress Crew has to stick together! haha! I love you girl!
Menda
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